The Source of Loneliness


Audio: The Source of Loneliness

Colossians 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.   2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Are you really happy, or do you just say that you are happy? God wants us to be happy people, not sad. The problem we have is that we are unhappy with the way which God wants to make us happy. The path which leads to happiness we are not happy with. But if we live by faith and not by sight, it will lead to happiness. What is this path to happiness? If we will be happy with that path, then we will be happy before we get to happiness. Faith is the biggest element in order to be stable Christians. God has given us His word and has fulfilled all our needs. The reason why this world isn’t happy is because we don’t recognise that our needs are fulfilled by the Lord. There is something that is not good for man.

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

God the Creator, who creates by His word, said that it is not good for man to be alone. What happened after He said this?

Genesis  2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Adam went through an experience of seeing that each creature was male and female. There were help meets for all the creatures, but he concludes that there was none for him. God said that was not good.  Loneliness is a big problem because you can’t be really happy when you have that empty feeling inside of you. To a large degree, this world suffers from this very problem.

Man was not made to dwell in solitude; he was to be a social being. Without companionship the beautiful scenes and delightful employments of Eden would have failed to yield perfect happiness. Even communion with angels could not have satisfied his desire for sympathy and companionship. There was none of the same nature to love and to be loved.  {PP 46.1}

People think if they have lots of possessions, then they would be happy. But no one had more beautiful possessions than Adam in the Garden of Eden and he was not perfectly happy. Man was not created to live in solitude. He longed for someone of the same nature. The angels were of a different nature.

     God Himself gave Adam a companion. He provided “an help meet for him”–a helper corresponding to him–one who was fitted to be his companion, and who could be one with him in love and sympathy. Eve was created from a rib taken from the side of Adam, signifying that she was not to control him as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet as an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal, to be loved and protected by him. A part of man, bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, she was his second self, showing the close union and the affectionate attachment that should exist in this relation. …  {PP 46.2}

This relationship was to have affection. To love and be loved back; to have sympathy where two people have the same experience and feelings. Empathy is to acknowledge intellectually the other person’s situation. Man didn’t need empathy. He needed sympathy. Without that, man could never be truly happy. These are our needs, not wants.

The desire for love and sympathy is implanted in the heart by God Himself. {AA 491.2}

God put that desire there so when we get inadequate levels of social relations, a dreadful feeling of emptiness and solitude begins: loneliness. Have you ever been hungry? To have food is a need given to us by God. When you are hungry, you need food and start looking for food. The same thing happens when you are thirsty. Just like our physical body needs food and water, we have the need for companionship.

You can be next to a thousand people and still be lonely. This social pain can result in bitter actions. If someone is deprived from food long enough, bad actions result. We can see that in the siege of Jerusalem when they were deprived of food.

How was the beautiful relationship between Adam and Eve as soon as sin came in? They started to blame each other. That isn’t love. Was there love, sympathy and harmony between Cain and Abel? That was the first generation and there was a murder. Do you think we are any better today?

Children can be lonely. When they are neglected of the social attention needed for their growth, they play up to get that attention as they are seeking for what they need in childhood. The pain that comes from a parent’s neglect they seek another place to supply the need that they have to have sympathy, love and understanding. They don’t want to be with their parents any more. Bit by bit, the children are taken away from the home. The quest of seeking to have this need fulfilled develops into youthful lusts but there are disappoints in that too.


There are disappointments in marriage. Single people look at marriage and think if only they had that they would be happy. Yet married people can lie in the same bed together and be miles apart. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. When the heart is sick you start to do strange things – divorce.

This need is planted in the heart by God himself. Some people think that their need will be fulfilled in their children but then they fall into post-partum depression. There is more emptiness than ever before. These are the problems that we face today all over the world.

Attachments formed in childhood have often resulted in very wretched unions or in disgraceful separations. Early connections, if formed without the consent of parents, have seldom proved happy. {AH 79.3}

A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life. After their judgment has become more matured, they view themselves bound for life to each other and perhaps not at all calculated to make each other happy. Then, instead of making the best of their lot, recriminations take place, the breach widens, until there is settled indifference and neglect of each other. To them there is nothing sacred in the word “home.” The very atmosphere is poisoned by unloving words and bitter reproaches.  {AH 79.4}

This problem reflects back on itself. If I have been disappointed by not having my need fulfilled, then I become bitter towards other people. Then they are disappointed and give bitters back out. This is a chain reaction that you can follow from the fall right to this very day. People are seeking this companionship and not finding it.

Proverbs 21:19 [It is] better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

It’s better to be alone than to dwell where your needs are not being supplied. In many marriages there is a disappointment, when we feel like we’ve been let down. Promises are made which are like ropes of sand, they fail. This failure is a mockery of the trust that was put into the person who made that promise. Then people close up and the partners stick to themselves.

Some marriages break up. Men might look for another source of love. It’s a fact that loneliness increases internet usage. A lonely person jumps onto Facebook or another social networking site. There is an underlying need which they are trying to fulfil for sympathy and love. As Christians, we should be very careful how we behave on these sites. There is a danger to abuse these people.

If the lips were constantly guarded so that no guile could corrupt them, what an amount of suffering, degradation, and misery might be prevented. If we would say nothing to wound or grieve, except in necessary reproof of sin, that God might not be dishonored, how much misunderstanding, bitterness, and anguish would be prevented. If we would speak words of good cheer, words of hope and faith in God, how much light we might shed upon the pathway of others, to be reflected in still brighter beams upon our own souls. {ML 180.2}

If Christians go onto social networking sites and purposely stir people up, by putting up sharp, cutting statements, we are dishonouring God. If we give love and sympathy in everything that we communicate to people, it will come back to us. If we desire not to be lonely, we must bestow sympathy and the love that comes from God’s word. If we would stop riling people up and share the love of Jesus, that love will be reflected back upon us. Then our own lives will not be so miserable.

There are people who through bitter relationships that have broken up, are still longing for some expression of that love. Many fall into adultery. We treat that as such a heinous sin but the worst sin in the world is religious bigotry. Jesus said the harlots are closer to the kingdom of heaven than the religious leaders of the day.

Proverbs 7:10 And, behold, there met him a woman [with] the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart. 

What does the Bible says about this harlot’s private life?

Proverbs  7:11 (She [is] loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:

But how is the front displayed?

Proverbs 7:12 Now [is she] without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) 13 So she caught him, and kissed him, [and] with an impudent face said unto him,  14 [I have] peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.   15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.

This harlot came to a person who had a social need and said, “I’ve come just for you.” Yet at home, she’s not like that at all. There is a front, a facade. How do you feel when someone tells you that you are very special to them? We need that. The hope springs up that our needs will be fulfilled.

Proverbs 7:16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved [works], with fine linen of Egypt.   17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.   18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.   19 For the goodman [is] not at home, he is gone a long journey:   20 He hath taken a bag of money with him, [and] will come home at the day appointed.   21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.   22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;   23 Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it [is] for his life.   24 Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.   25 Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.   26 For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong [men] have been slain by her.   27 Her house [is] the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death. 

We could say this doesn’t apply to us because we don’t run down to the brothel every night but this text shows the way in which this seduction comes about. If we are dependent upon flattering things to come into our ears to satisfy our needs, that is the way to hell. Are we reliant upon a physical person speaking audible noise to stimulate our feelings? Because of the want of these needs, people wander to try and find these needs in flattering words.

Immature marriages are productive of a vast amount of the evils that exist today. Neither physical health nor mental vigor is promoted by a marriage that is entered on too early in life. …  {AH 80.1}

Not solely too early in life, but premature in terms of not being God lead. This problem affects the physical frame. If we are suffering from loneliness, it will come out in bodily ailments. Neither physical health nor mental vigour is promoted by this sort of marriage and the bitterness comes out. Someone has failed to supply our needs so we stop supplying theirs. This is depression. Depression is a huge problem today. When we have all been disappointed by the person that we trusted to fulfil our social needs, we become bitter.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.   19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.

This bitterness in marriage can be on either the man or the woman. There is always occasion to be bitter with people. At some point, they won’t supply your needs, but the Bible says don’t be bitter with them.

Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble [you], and thereby many be defiled;

How many are defiled? Many if we harbour a root of disappointment and withdraw from supplying other people’s needs. We punish others for not supplying our needs. This is what makes life bitter. Instead of feeding ourselves from the love of God, we feed ourselves with the news feed on Facebook. We look to stimulate our minds with social information but that is not good food at all. Other people turn to social gaming and spend all their time in a fake world because this world is so bitter.

We have all come to bitter waters. There is a tree standing by the bitter water, and that tree needs to be cut down and placed in the bitter water. Right in the bitter experience is the answer. We aren’t to look somewhere else for sweet water.

Exodus 15:22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water. 

Here is a need. When we go into the wilderness and get desperate for relationships, we take anything that comes but it proves to be bitter. That is desperation.

Exodus 15:23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they [were] bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.  24 And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?   25 And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD showed him a tree, [which] when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,

If you’ve had any bitter experiences in your life, there is a tender plant, a root that has come out of dry ground. When He has been sacrificed and placed into those bitter waters of yours, they will become sweet, not just neutral, but sweet. You don’t need to travel to a Caribbean Island for a holiday. It is right there, when the root that came out of dry ground gets placed into the bitter waters.

Isaiah 53:1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?   2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, [there is] no beauty that we should desire him.   3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were [our] faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.  4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  5 But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Who’s grief’s did He bare? Yours and mine. Not similar ones, the actual grief’s. He bore them IN His body, on the tree. He doesn’t have empathy for our experiences, He has sympathy for them. He trod the winepress alone, by Himself. Why did the King of Glory become lonely? Because He wants to become lonely with you.

Bearing the weakness of humanity, and burdened with its sorrow and sin, Jesus walked alone in the midst of men. As the darkness of the coming trial pressed upon Him, He was in loneliness of spirit, in a world that knew Him not. Even His loved disciples, absorbed in their own doubt and sorrow and ambitious hopes, had not comprehended the mystery of His mission. He had dwelt amid the love and fellowship of heaven; but in the world that He had created, He was in solitude. {DA 422.2}

He came unto His own and they received Him not. He had friends but they didn’t understand him. They couldn’t sympathise with Him nor satisfy His need.

Elijah had known loneliness of spirit, as for three years and a half of famine he had borne the burden of the nation’s hatred and its woe. Alone he had stood for God upon Mount Carmel. Alone he had fled to the desert in anguish and despair. These men, chosen above every angel around the throne, had come to commune with Jesus concerning the scenes of His suffering, …  {DA 422.2}

Jesus was really alone. The angel’s couldn’t comfort Him for what was coming. He needed human sympathy so Moses and Elijah were there to strengthen the needs of Christ.

The human heart longs for sympathy in suffering. This longing Christ felt to the very depths of His being. In the supreme agony of His soul He came to His disciples with a yearning desire to hear some words of comfort from those whom He had so often blessed and comforted, and shielded in sorrow and distress. The One who had always had words of sympathy for them was now suffering superhuman agony, and He longed to know that they were praying for Him and for themselves. How dark seemed the malignity of sin! Terrible was the temptation to let the human race bear the consequences of its own guilt, while He stood innocent before God. If He could only know that His disciples understood and appreciated this, He would be strengthened.  {DA 687.3} 

Jesus did all this voluntarily. He didn’t have to. He did this so He could understand you and me.

Hebrews 2:14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;   15 And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.   16 For verily he took not on [him the nature of] angels; but he took on [him] the seed of Abraham.   17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto [his] brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things [pertaining] to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.   18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

That is why He did this. He was alone so you don’t have to be alone. He doesn’t just have empathy, but sympathy. In the world, it’s unprofessional for a physician to get too involved and have sympathy for you. Jesus was unprofessional.

Through all our trials we have a never-failing Helper. He does not leave us alone to struggle with temptation, to battle with evil, and be finally crushed with burdens and sorrow. Though now He is hidden from mortal sight, the ear of faith can hear His voice saying, Fear not; I am with you. “I am He that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive forevermore.” Revelation 1:18. I have endured your sorrows, experienced your struggles, encountered your temptations…

Jesus knows our temptations and struggles because He experienced them.

I know your tears; I also have wept. The griefs that lie too deep to be breathed into any human ear, I know. Think not that you are desolate and forsaken. Though your pain touch no responsive chord in any heart on earth, look unto Me, and live. “The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of My peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.” Isaiah 54:10.  {DA 483.1}

The Bible says look diligently lest any root of bitterness shall spring up whereby many are defiled. If we don’t find in Jesus Christ this reality, we will always be bitter for the rest of our lives. Marriage was only a symbol of what Jesus wants to have engaged with us. Eve didn’t fulfil the needs of Adam after the fall. The answer is in Jesus, to have fellowship in His sufferings.

So many times we grapple with the things that we think is fulfilling our needs at the cost of our relationship with Jesus. If we do this, we will be undernourished. We often say no to Jesus because the path of His happiness we are not happy with. We look for the audible noise, the touch of the skin. A harlot can do that, but does that supply the human need? Look around, the answer to this problem is not found in physical earthly affections of another fallen creature. Set your affections not on the things of earth, but the things of Heaven. Jesus will supply our needs. He will be in Heaven, marriage won’t be.

Philippians 3:10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

The Bible is introducing a social experience but it is in His sufferings not in a Caribbean Island holiday.

We have felt Him in the humiliation; we have felt Him in the sacrifice; we have felt Him in the trials; we have felt Him in the test; now that we may behold Him; that we may see Him as He is; that we may behold His glory; and if we behold Him we will be a partaker with Him of His glory.  {1SAT 132.1}

When do we feel Him? In the sufferings. When you feel those sufferings, you are feeling the heart of Jesus. Is it really His heart? If our sorrows and grief’s were placed in Him, then they are His sorrows and grief’s. Then when we feel sorrows and grief’s we are feeling His grief’s. Then we can have sympathy with Him and He with us. He is in need of our love just as much as we are in need of His love. He had all of Heaven, all the angelic hosts, but it was nothing to be desired while humanity was lost. He was lonely He went to Calvary so that He could have a people to sit on His throne equal with him.

The Bible says, “My God shall supply all your needs in Christ Jesus.” We can do things in the church and hang onto them to be of any value. Christ didn’t come just because you could do things for the church, He came to bestow love to get love back. It is only by love is love awakened. Don’t think that any controversial approach will win souls for Christ.

How can we open our hearts to be hurt and not retaliate? We need to have our needs supplied somewhere else, by Jesus. The relationship we have to Christ needs to be of a different nature to the ones that we experience with everyone else.

Our Saviour wants you to keep in close relation to Himself, that He may make you happy. When Christ lets His blessing rest upon us, we should offer thanksgiving and praise to His dear name. But, you say, if I could only know that He is my Saviour! Well, what kind of evidence do you want? Do you want a special feeling or emotion to prove that Christ is yours? Is this more reliable than pure faith in God’s promises? Would it not be better to take the blessed promises of God and apply them to yourself, bearing your whole weight upon them? This is faith.  {FLB 123.5}

In our walk with the Lord, we look for the emotional feelings to prove that He loves us. In the world when we look to one another for the feeling to prove love, what does it do to marriage?  Is it a good or bad marriage if we are just relying on the emotions of the other?  It doesn’t work because everyone lets everyone down.  When we come to Christ, we want to be happy in our own way. We say Lord, “I’ll love you if you speak to me audibly, if put your arm around me and give me the warm fuzzies then I will love you back. No, Jesus says it is by faith. “I have spoken and I mean what I say and trust what I say.” This is the only sure foundation as your feelings will change. They are like the ocean up and down. When the heavens depart how will you feel about that? What we feel is none of our business. We are to be about the Father’s business, His word. What God’s word says it is. Hang onto His word and pray to Him who said He can hear you. This is the source of happiness. If we are not happy to go on this way to happiness, we will not be unhappy. There is no other way to happiness. We will only be bitter.

Jesus said, “I will not leave you orphans, comfortless. I will make my abode with you.” Faith has evidence. If you will take God at His word, feeling or no feeling, you will make an experience if you do that experiment.

How shall we know for ourselves God’s goodness and His love? The psalmist tells us–not, hear and know, read and know, or believe and know; but–“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Instead of relying upon the word of another, taste for yourself.  {5T 221.2}

Make an experiment in your loneliness. When you are lonely, don’t hop onto Facebook or some other social network, get into your Bible and find Jesus. Don’t worry about your feelings as that it is a waste of time. Make an experiment and call on the name of the Lord. He will hear you. He knows you are lonely, and you will go through a bitter thing but blessed bitter experience because then we desire the sweet. There is a statement in the book ‘Mind Character and Personality’ that says it is for our good that we feel lonely. Don’t try and crowd the loneliness out with music and bombarding your mind with information to crowd out the loneliness. Be still and know that I am God. Take that time, experience the loneliness and find out what Jesus experienced and say, “We are lonely together”. Dwell upon it and in time you find that Jesus is your companion and you will taste that the Lord is good. Don’t trust other people, experience it.

Experience is knowledge derived from experiment. Experimental religion is what is needed now.   {5T 221.3}

Taste and see that the Lord is good as we are bone of His bone and flesh of His flesh. If He is our head and husband, then He will give sympathy and love and we can love Him back. It is my prayer that we don’t hang onto things that make us feel valuated and of worth. Leave them as the source of our needs. Call upon the Lord’s name for He says He will hear you and never forsake you. You will never be alone as He was so He knows if you feel alone, He knows so you are not alone. Taste and see.


Posted on August 11, 2011, in Divine Service Sermons, Sermons For Sabbath and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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